Last January, I wrote a long post about why I deleted instagram and why others should follow (lol). After a full year off of the platform I feel differently in a lot of ways. (And, in fact, I feel defeated in saying that I’m back on it @memory__work )
I thought it would be a fun exercise to cross-compare some of what I wrote in my previous post to how I currently feel….
In Jan 2021:
My relationship to others
Before I deleted my Instagram, I had made a post announcing that I was going to do so. A friend in a different part of the world reached out lamenting that she had felt like she’d been about to keep in touch through watching my stories and posts. I admit that I’d felt like this too. But her message made me think about it on a deeper level. And the truth was I had no idea what was going on in her life beyond what I was seeing in short snippets. We hadn’t had a conversation in probably over a year. And this kind of gets at the crux of my issue with what it means to keep in touch through social media. We feel like we are connected because we know what’s going on in our friends and families lives through passive consumption of their social media content. But I would argue that active, intentional, and thoughtful communication is what we really crave. Not having Instagram has forced me to be more intentional about reaching out to people. I’m sure I will lose touch with many people in my life through not having social media. But I already feel more fulfilled with the intimacy of the intentional communication I’ve already been engaging with more. It’s much more fun to hear about my friends’ lives first-hand from them than from an Instagram story.
In Jan 2022:
My relationship to others: I’m not going to sugarcoat it: 2021 has been a long and lonely year for me. I understand where I was going with wanting more intentional communication. It is much better to hear about what’s going on in my loved ones lives firsthand. But we are in a global pandemic. And although I feel like I was pushed in many positive ways to reach out to others by not having social media, it was definitely an uphill battle. I did lose touch with a lot of people when I deleted my social media. And I wish I could say I was able to make meaningful connections despite that, but I wasn’t. Maybe if I had done this during “normal” times it would’ve been easier to supplement that loss with in-person or other types of communication. But right now, I’m embarrassed to say that I just feel an immense loss in my social life. I’m not a very extroverted person and I guess passive communication was more important to me than I realized.
In Jan 2021:
My relationship to the web
Not having social media has significantly changed the way I surf the web. I’ve found myself spending more time consuming things that nourish my mind and soul. And perhaps even more importantly, having to actively think about what those things are. I’ll admit, I found it challenging at first to not always have a stream of suggested content at hand. But in having to dig through different websites, think about what I actually wanted to read/watch/listen to, I felt much more fulfilled than I would’ve been letting an algorithm figure those things out for me. It also brings back the idea of serendipity. I can actually stumble upon things (at least sometimes) in a way that we used to be able to before the web was hyper-personalized and hyper-capitalized. And I’ll just quickly note that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for me without social media. The influence of algorithms is definitely still very much present in search engines, and websites. But I feel it just a little bit less.
In Jan 2022
My relationship to the web
This, I can actually say, I still fully agree with. Not having social media has led me to so many more interesting places on the web. I’ve found more online publications that I love, podcasts that make me happy, found interesting creative references, and gotten (I think at least partially) out of my hyper-personalized bubble of content in a way that feels really great! Even though I’m back on instagram, I hope to continue this practice of “active surfing.”
In Jan 2021
My relationship to my work
I am an artist and not having Instagram has really made me wonder: How much does the platform with which I share my work shape my work? Do I subconsciously structure my daily productivity around having something to post, to tease, to share online at the end of the day? Do I subconsciously make work that is more easily digestible in the small ten-image, one-minute-max format of an Instagram post? I’m not sure what the answer is here, but I do believe that the tools we use, at least in part, shape the work that we create. I’ll be glad to be able to focus on my creative process without feeling like I need to produce public-facing content at every step of the way.
In Jan 2022
My relationship to my work
This aspect has been really interesting to take note of. I think not having social media has allowed me to slow down a lot more. This is probably a personal problem, but having social media feels like I have a constant pressure to post and that means a constant pressure to produce. Being offline for a while allowed me to work as if no one’s watching. And that was actually precisely what my projects needed this year: time and care. On the other hand, I did feel a lot of FOMO in that I wondered if I missed out on opportunities because I wasn’t online enough. It made me think about all the opportunities (i.e. residencies/collaborations/gigs/etc) I’ve gotten through or indirectly through making a connection on instagram or other social media. Almost every artist residency application asks for social media handles and I have to wonder if not having one did me a disservice? And besides this aspect, I also think about how I’ve always loved the idea of creative “leftovers,” or being able to see all of the in-progress or incidental content that is created during the creative process but never makes it to the final finished work. It’s sometimes easy to forget the evolution of a work which can be really helpful in understanding my own thought process. Maybe there is a way I can work through the pressure to post by not worrying so much about frequency and who’s watching? Let me know if you have any ideas. And of course, this substack has also been a very helpful place to reflect on process, but it still feels much more “finished” in that I have to write a whole thing rather than posting snippets as I go.
In Jan 2021
My relationship to photos
Not having Instagram has changed the way I photograph with my phone and in turn perhaps the way I choose to remember moments. It no longer feels like I have an audience to perform memories for. I take photos for myself. And I still take photos of things with the intent to share (for example, I’ll photograph things I find silly, or that reference jokes/memes/etc.) but I take those photos with the intent of sharing with a specific individual like my partner, my mom, or my friend across the globe. For that reason, they feel more meaningful to me and hopefully for the other person. I also save my photos in different ways. I no longer rely on Instagram as a repository of memories. I actually back my photos up in multiple places (Lots of Copies Keep Stuff Safe). I definitely sleep better at night knowing that if Instagram were to fold tomorrow (or ban my account) I will still have access to my images and videos.
In Jan 2022
My relationship to photos
I think my sentiment from 2021 still rings true. I still took a lot of photos this past year, but they were just for me or for specific people. And the whole process of trying to back up my photos before deleting instagram last year was a nightmare that taught me the importance of saving data in multiple places. I’ve been a lot better about digital preservation. Maybe it’s the voyeur in me, but I do miss seeing other people’s photographs and knowing what they are up to. And I miss sharing funny photos of my dog. I mean I still text images like this to like ten different people when I take them.
But, I feel like the whole world deserves to see this right?
In Jan 2021 My anxieties:
As you may have noticed in one of the screenshots I included, Instagram gives you a (forced) 30-day grace period should you change your mind about deleting your account. This grace period has, as expected, led to torturous thoughts of anxiety and FOMO. Specifically, it has led me to notice all of the instances in which Instagram has crept into my professional life. When applying to grants/residencies/jobs I see that empty field for my Instagram account and think, will this affect my candidacy? I think about all the times Instagram has led to opportunities for me as an artist, educator and programmer. All of the moments in emails where someone has mentioned that they found me through Instagram or have followed my work for quite some time on Instagram, I can’t help but think about all the connections I may be currently missing out on by not being on this platform. And I cannot deny that numbers affect me. I had over 1,000 followers on Instagram. That number felt (falsely) validating.
I wonder about the information I’ll miss out on. It frustrates me when institutions and organizations primarily disseminate information about upcoming events, workshops, protests, etc through Instagram. First of all, the feed is not chronological. Even when I had Instagram, I’d often find posts about events after they’d already taken place. Secondly, you need an Instagram to view posts, even if they are public. I understand posting on Instagram because of the large audience. But I wish more organizations would also update their information in other places like their websites or email newsletters.
Right now, as of writing this post, I can say that none of these anxieties are pushing me to reconsider my decision. But they are real concerns that frustrate me and make me think about how much of a monopoly major social media companies have on our lives.
In Jan 2022
My anxieties:
Wow! Reading my old post, I realize I was not in a great place. I definitely don’t feel that level of anxiety, which I’m grateful for. I will say, I still feel frustrated about how inaccessible a lot of information is because organizations don’t realize instagram isn’t accessible without an account (even if your profile is public!). The amount of times I had to ask my partner to screenshot an event post or open a link for me this past year is nuts. This reminds me of a workshop I took called Not in the Archive!: Design Considerations for Building More Web Archive-Friendly Websites. It was really eye-opening not only for understanding web archiving, but also just accessibility in general. (If you are interested in this, I highly recommend following the Metropolitan New York Library Council.) I should say, none of the anxieties outlined in my 2021 post pushed me to get back on instagram. If I had to point to one reason that I signed back up, it would be about my relationship with others and keeping in touch with friends.
Ok that’s a wrap! Hopefully I don’t sound like too much of a hypocrite being back online @memory__work, but what can I say, I got got.
